Well Heaven Knows That Without You Is How I Disappear
its soooo confusing

really.
5.8.07 20:59


Werbung


atm

mhm. some things are kinda reminding me of some other things i havent thought about for a loooooong time though D:!!!

do you know the feeling when everything just is.. empty? like you wouldnt be able to feel at all? mhm. i dont know if its so normal if this state is so... acute.
since this time back in 2005 i kinda feel like i was kinda... callous D:... but there are some moments that were superemotional D:... like.. SUPERemotional.

but theres nothing in between. and thats scary. i mean: i either feel NOTHING or "everything". lol.

its not that i couldnt live with that - im pretty much okay with that. really.
but maybe just atm.
what if itll bother me some day? D: gaaarr, such nights when im alone at home are so damn thought-provoking... -_- goddamn.

okay, what ive written sounds kinda emo x'D but hey, thats just how it is. and it is not too good. i just know theres something missing atm. D:
i absolutely cannot stay like this forever. but it somekinda cant be helped.

sometimes im even scared of myself, because im able to laugh in nearly every situation x'D... its weird how im not caring about serious things at all. how im just not even noticing them.

i should definitely do something. anything. whatev. but i dont even exactly know what. so it doesnt make much sense. argh. theres a point where i cant think anymore - its just too huge.
maybe its the fear? or something like this?

life is.. confusing. it never meant to be, it never used to be, but now it is so.

fuck it.
11.8.07 23:07


well i'm afraid that i.. well i may have faked it...

D:!
last night an unbelievably BIG grasshopper was hanging on my wall. OMG, i was SO afraid i screamed the hell outta my house D: Omg, my breath was so fast i thought i would suffocate D:... omg. then i took the vac.. but the fucking animals jumped away D: in my BED!!!!!!!!! OMG, i was SO screaming. pretty hysterically. D:... bwah, i was so scared. and it was really big. like it was REALLY big D:... like my hand .. and light green.. D:... a few tries later i finally caged it in the vac. omg, for an hour or so i was totally bewtween crying, creaming and breathing heavily ... D: i should def. do somthing against my phobias D:.. bwaaah. it it had been a spider i would have left the building -.-... omg, im so afraid D:...

but well, that wasnt what i wanted to write. so dont bother the headline doesnt fit in ^^... eeehm.. well. fakes.
i hate fakes. and i hate faking.l but i - at least - fake the half of myself x'D and thats pretty uncool but cant be helped either.

... bwaaah, i HATE grasshoppers.
14.8.07 11:48


You say: What's wrong? I say:

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Goddamn. Fuck you.
18.8.07 23:39


sunday sunday

tomorrow it begins again.. school. i already have seen my schedule and stuff and i must admit that it isnt too bad. we will see what will be happening... i just doubt that i can stand up 6am D:... gooood... itll be toough... D:...
26.8.07 15:48


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